Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign...

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop Presents:

In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you?

I distinctly recall as a child being told how "perfect" I was, how "smart, clever, cute, funny, sweet, bright..." you name it - I got labeled it.

Does it sound like I am bragging?

I am not. 

It was a curse.  I think I peaked at age eleven.  Seriously.

I was selected in Second Grade to participate in this "experiment" to be in a class of Second and Third Graders - learning in a new hip and cool way.  My Mother put the Ki-bosh on that one...she told the school that developmentally the Second and Third Grader's should not be mixed, presented studies and well... the school dropped the program.

I was always in the high reading group... 
math group...
extra groups, like Great Books and geeky science classes.

I was a Girl Scout and my Mother pushed me to earn MANY MANY badges and Cookie Seller Awards. 

I wanted them...so not all her fault. 

Besides swimming lessons in the summer my Mother took us to The Star-Tribune, The Federal Reserve, museum's and enrolled us in summer art programs where we drank papaya juice and ate carob-chip cookies.  I even took summer school classes for FUN!

I also went to Debate Camp and Norwegian Camp...and yes, Band Camp.  Norwegian Camp was the MOST twisted. 

Don't get me wrong.  I loved it.

Every second of every thing - making new friends everywhere I went.

I spent a year in Norway as an exchange student and even there I excelled at blending in...seriously, people thought I was Norwegian - or the very least, Danish. 

What this did to me is make me EXPECT more from myself.  If I failed at something (or was not in the Top Ten Best!)- ANYTHING - I felt worthless.  Sometimes I still do...

I feel like I let myself down a lot. 

The BIGGEST reason I feel that way right now is that I do not have the job I want by a long shot. 

not.even.close.

I expected that by the time I finished my degree online at Capella University I would have a much better sales position - higher base salary, higher commission potential, larger company - perhaps. 

I mean that B.S. degree should have opened doors, but it came too late. 

March 2010?  Who the heck is hiring?

However my career started its slide down the drain before the degree was complete after accepting

ONE STUPID JOB. 

ONE STUPID JOB at one very large company that dismissed me because my boss went to work for the competition so they set about systematically dismantling his team. 

Seriously I was the second let go and the first girl who "resigned" actually had made quota - and was setup to do it again. 

I was over 80% to annual quota in APRIL!  Gone in June...

I took the best job available of the three I was offered after that...and let's just say it was not only a huge pay cut, but I was flat out lied to about the potential. 

So here I sit.  Depressed quite often. 

I LOATHE the questions, "How is work going?" and  "What do you do for a living?" because my answer is that I don't want to talk about it...it just makes me cry. 

Recently my company was purchased and I am praying this helps me change my mind about my work.  It hasn't done much yet to instill any confidence that I am at all important, or wanted, so I am not holding my breath just yet...

But I hope and I dream....

I try to remember my achievements and potential...

That I have a GREAT family who loves me...

...and I buy Powerball Tickets.